Journal
by ElectricCircuslover
Summary: Angel stumbles on her son, Shadow's, old journal. She feels this might answer to the questions that have been waiting to be answered for years.


Journal

ElectricCircuslover: Yeah, it's been awhile since anyone's heard from me. Just been meh for the past few months. Got around to writing this short story that will have chapters to it. I haven't forgotten about my project. Just bleh for awhile. This was going to be a vent but it really didn't end up that way to me. It's different. Tried a new style or a different format this time. Don't have much to say really. Thanks for reading.

Enjoy.

The house sat quiet as it rained outside. Angel was working on cleaning the house before Stitch came back from bowling and her grandchildren arriving from school to play with their cousins.

Spring was in the air and the sudden urge to clean the house began to sink in. It wasn't just that, but her first litter of children had a birthday coming up this week. Twenty five years since that fateful morning when she gave birth to five pups, one blue male, on blue and pink colored female, identical male and female twins with all of Angel's features, and a pitch black male with red pupiless eyes and large wings.

Twenty five years and not a memory was forgotten in the many events that took place on this little island of Kauai. How she missed it when her kids were pups. As much as she wished for it, Angel accepted the future as time couldn't be changed no matter how much you try.

Angel began to make her way to her son's empty room. It wasn't a room she really liked going into as it the room felt heavy with pain from the previous years. There were a lot of memories, hurtful ones that made the pain in her heart rise up to the surface from time to time. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

The room looked undisturbed on her son's side, with the exception of a few moved things from when her grandchildren came. It was a room that didn't have very much activity other than Jumba and Pleakley working on separate projects.

"I see 624 has come to bring life to old B-X side of the room. B-X 004's pillow has been off 36 degrees of normal position," Jumba chuckled, working on some goggles at his desk.

"Of course I knew. I was hoping it would drive you crazy thinking about it. But you're still working diligently on a new invention from what I'm seeing. Guess I need to try harder," Angel smiled, hopping on her son's table that sat between the closet and Jumba's work bench, "So, what is it this time? Hope it's the new vacuum cleaner I've been asking since the last one you 'modified' escaped in the jungle."

"Pah, you had settings on 'auto' instead of 'manual'. It's most likely stuck in mud somewhere. This new invention is one hundred-ten point five percent children safe and is quiet versatile," Jumba smiled, handing the glasses to Angel.

"What do these do this time. Better be lower than P-G 13," Angel frowned, putting them on.

"Yes, hovering parental mother of little children. They are x-ray glasses so B-Xs with no x-ray vision can now play hidden and find with other B-Xs fairly. Before you ask, nothing but bone structure will be seen when viewing animate beings," Jumba smiled.

"That was thoughtful of you. Ooooh, I see a book hiding in my wall. Someone keeping a diary? I bet there are all kinds of things Jumba would hide from the family. Some soft feelings buried deep inside that you don't want to show?" Angel chuckled, handing the glasses to Jumba.

"What are you talking about 624? Jumba keeps records on computer in ship. I have no need for writing about personal life experiences on blank pages nor the desire to do so. Where is this book you refer too?" the large alien asked, holding the glasses in front of his eyes.

"It's behind your stack of books next to the magnifying glass. It's inside the wall. Right here," Angel pointed her right antennae on the spot she was mentioning.

"Keep appendage away from point of interest," Jumba took out his laser pen.

He carved a square in the wall and took out the piece of the wall, only to find a black journal with metal band logos from the 80s drawn all over it wedged between two wooden boards.

Angel stood quiet as Jumba took the book out, which was covered in dust and aged by the looks of it.

"I know that book…" She silently said, "Could you hand it to me?" Angel asked, looking spellbound.

"Um, sure. Looks like something B-X 001, 004, and 005 would keep. I can see on face that it brings back memories. What is this piece of property is this owned by?" He asked, handing her the book.

"This is Shadow's journal. His doctor wanted him to write a journal to cope with his depression. He didn't want to write in it at first but I sat with him and talked to him about it. I wonder how much he wrote in it. I want to know more of the details what went wrong. Thank you, Jumba. That laser pen of yours actually did something right for a change," she hopped off the table.

"Pillow is still on wrong angle on bed," Jumba chuckled, watching Angel leave.

She gave him and smile before leaving the room. After she left, Angel immediately frowned as she looked at the thick book in her paws. There were a lot of thoughts going in her head as the walk to her room felt long. Curiosity had a tight grip along with the 'Why did this happen?' feeling in her heart. Angel knew that Shadow had struggled growing up. A broken heart and the secret abuse Stitchie did on Shadow along with the feeling of disapproval from his father Stitch but all that didn't seem to be enough to fill the bucket of answers. There had to be more somewhere and the book she held felt heavy with those answers.

Angel opened the door to her room and closed it. She walked to her bed, hopped down, laid down flat on her stomach, and took a deep breath before opening the book.

The words were slightly faded due from age but it was still easy to read but the paper was fragile and easy to rip. The book was completely filled from start to finish and the quality was easier to read as the pages were flipped.

'Dear Diary or Journal or whatever I'm supposed to call this stupid book. It's Tuesday, March 12 2020. Doctor Yavin and mom want me to write a journal to help me stop bottling my emotions. Stupid idea if you ask me. All I need is my music and that itself is my mental healing. But what do I know? To them I'm just another stupid fourteen year old. No, the doc thinks that way. I bet he gets problem people like me all the time. Stupid human. Why can't Jumba look at me? Why am I even attempting to write in this stupid book? I have better things to do then turn this crap to the doctor. Whatever. I'm done with this right now.

Journal Entry. March 16th 2020.

Sigh, I'm back to this journal. Even attempting to be a little bit more formal I guess. Mom and Doc. Yavin didn't like what I wrote down on the last entry of this journal. I thought journals were supposed to be private? I guess I know how Spring feels now. Violated and such. Anyways, what to say? Well, Stitchie, Andy, and I managed to tie a bird to a rocket. It was awesome! Better so than microwaving that G.I. Joe in Jumba's microwave. The rebel should've told us their hideout. Hoth was actually a small band of cockroach people using Barbie as replacement marshmallow. That's an improvised reference to 'Star Wars' doc.

Journal Entry. March 17th 2020

Doc wasn't too enthused with yesterday's journal. What does he want from me? A medal? This is so stupid. I'm going to make a short journal. See? Short, Doc.

Journal Entry. April 11th 2020.

It's Saturday night. Can't believe I found this journal under my bed next to Stitchie's rotten oranges he's been saving. They're starting to look fun to throw at. They even bounce. I can think of a dozen ways I can play with these. Doc has been frustrated with me. I boycotted writing this journal (ironically I'm writing in it right now) and all the other attempts to reach me has been complete fail. I find this actually amusing really. Just like school. Big jokes for the big kid (cough)not really big (cough) but hey, the school has been more lively with my bros and I. Man, I'm getting better at using these powers and they're so much fun to toy around with the teachers. Ah, only powers this godly can be used for good. Though, I can't say I'm the best at it. Spring Lovetta has been teaching me how to use them properly. I've caught a tree on fire, another time I froze the van, and even worse, I brought an inter-dimensional giant green bean into this world that tried destroying the town. I hate veggies. News could have something factual for once. But I've started to notice that Sparkle has been looking at me. I can't stop looking at her. Am I starting to change now? Pah, I doubt it. The world will end when I start to change XD Man it's Sunday 3: A.M. I've spent 2 hours trying to think on what to say. Such a tard. Need some sleep. I'm starting to see weird things in the dark and voices. Thank you metal for giving me the strength to sleep (this is the part I put on the headphones, listen to W.A.S.P. and close the journal)

Angel smiled, after reading the first three entries.

"He was so defiant and I couldn't blame him for that. I wasn't a teen so I couldn't really feel what it was like. I still loved him anyways. My baby boy," smiled bigger, flipping the page.

'Journal Entry. April 16th 2020.

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO BE 15! Which means…Nah, doesn't mean anything XD But I'm one step closer to driving! Mahahah! I'm going to have fun. So many speed bumps so many things to do. It's going to freaking sweet. Maybe I'll take Sparkle for a ride. I'll show her my lambo and go hundreds of miles and do all kinds of things. It'll be sweet as hell. In six hours, it's going to be the 17th of Saturday and I'm going to be one step closer. HA! Take that doc. I don't need your anti-depressants to make me feel good. Why are humans so judgmental?

Journal Entry. April 17th 2020.

Birthday was awesome. Got some great presents and I got to see mom fight her urge to not gobble the chocolate cake. Such a choco-fiend. I love her for that but that picture with the cake all over her face. Priceless. Managed to get some interesting things for my birthday. Best part was the CDs which I'm quite surprised that mom got the courage to buy me another Ozzy CD. Love the 'Ultimate Sin' album from 1986. Last time mom fished me up a CD for a gift it was some country singer.

GAAAARRRRBBAAAAGGGEEEE! I love her, but man, she should know my taste in music by now. And she thinks Stitchie is the most pickiest when it comes to veggies. So much to learn. I put the CD in the garbage disposal and told her I lost it in a storm drain while changing CDs. Worked like a charm. It'll be our dirty little secret journal. Anyways, Mom was awesome and made me a doll version of herself. I really needed something to help me with the voices and images in the dark. I've been having strange dreams lately. I keep seeing a replica of me but his voice is different and he has pupils.

Which is another thing. HOW IN THE HELL AM I SEEING ANYTHING AT ALL! My eyes are red, bright, and blank. Just blank. On the bright side, I could roll my eyes and no one could ever tell the difference, except for mom because she has 'mom' powers or something. Always catches me. I'm going to enjoy this doll most of all. So soft and I can't help but keep it with me all the time. I named the doll, 'Mom' because I'm original like that. LoL. Stitchie's been making fun of me now because of the doll. All well, he sleeps with Bobo the retarded stuffed brown bear and Andy has a Cowboy doll. Love's, Pantera's 'Cowboys from Hell' and Tesla's, 'Modern Day Cowboy.' Very much into the cowboy stuff.

Need some sleep. Love you mom and dad.

Journal Entry. April 20th 2020

It's Monday night. I'm supposed to be in bed for school by 9 P.M but it's 2 A.M. right now. I can't sleep at all. The nightmares have been persisting and I'm getting frequent headaches. Very painful, but what is creepy is I'm hearing a strange voice in my head from time to time. It's a male and it doesn't sound friendly. I'm genuinely scared right now. It's like insane babbling. I would tell my mother but I'm afraid she wouldn't believe me. I don't want to go to a mental hospital. I feel so defenseless and scared. But Mom will make me feel better she always does. I'm talking to a doll. (Face palm) Maybe I need to eat less sugar or something. Maybe it'll go away.

In important news today, Sparkle and I are talking. Yes, we are talking and I couldn't feel any more nervous. Actually, if I could go to the bathroom, I'd probably use the human expression 'Shitting a brick' or maybe it was something else. Pah, need to talk to more people. Don't want to be like that kid in a bubble that gets beaten up by the metal-heads. It's an expression, thank you. I'm so excited but yet so scared right now. If I be myself things are going to be fine or I could just be another loser too. : ( I want to make this work out. Please, Gene Simmons, work your magic on me. Oh yeah, I'm feeling to burn. I'm going to have a hundred experiment girls on my little paws. Funny thing is, without my powers, I wouldn't even be able to lift bowling ball more less a hundred experiment girls. Hmm, black is back man.

Need a better mechanical pencil. I chewed this one in half. I'll try harder to sleep. If I over sleep, I'll never hear the end of it. Pah.'

Angel turned the page only to find disturbing drawings and rips in the book. She was astonished to see such gruesome pictures drawn by her son. Sure they didn't look that good but you could honestly tell that it this wasn't normal for Shadow to do.

"What happened? This doesn't make sense. Why would he draw pictures harming us?" she frowned again, turning the page.

'Journal Entry. April 29th 2020

Shade has been ripping me apart inside. I can barely control him. What happened? Where did he come from? This isn't right. He's getting me into trouble. Two days ago I was in trouble for killing the neighbor's dog and eating the insides. Tasted horrid. He made me do it. Every time I pleaded that I was having trouble with Shade, they thought I was 'acting out.' Why won't anyone listen to me? What have I do (unreadable words and rips and tears in the pages)

Journal Entry. May 17th 2020.

Shade…he's gone. The story goes by this. He was a split personality from a failed experiment Jumba tried on me. He wanted my power and tied to see if he could borrow some of it. 5 years later, the side effect surfaced and Shade was the fail part that had gotten worse. I told them there was something wrong and that Shade was real. They never believed me. I was hurt deeply that my own mother didn't believe me. I had to go through so much trouble because of him and the pain. The pain of separating our minds and body…That excruciating pain that felt like a handsaw slowly cutting me in half. There was so much blood…I…I felt so sick looking at it. But I felt different when he left. I can't explain it. I feel so helpless and sad. What happened to me? Right now, I'm hurt inside that I killed so many people fighting Shade and destroyed so much property. I'm glad that I fixed everything back even the people, thus crippling me and putting me in a coma for a week or so. Mom said that I've been more depressed than usual. I don't understand what she means. I'm just fine (wrinkles in the paper from dried tears) Please help me become normal again. Please….?

Journal Entry. May 18th 2020.

It's Monday and I decided to bring my journal to school. I'll probably regret it but I need some sort of communication. I feel like everyone looks down on me because I'm different from my friends and family. My brothers are starting to notice a change with me. I want to think I'm not changing into someone else. I feel sad all the time. My emotions feel so stirred up at the moment and it gives me a lonely feeling that no one can understand me but my mother. But I don't want to look like I need her for everything. I want to keep some sort of independence but how can I when it feels like she has all the answers I lack? I'm hurting so much inside.

I feel good with Sparkle. Things are getting very intimate now. But she's been asking me a lot about what's been bugging me. I wish I could tell her but I really don't know what to say to her or how to explain what I'm feeling. If I continue being an emo wuss I'm going to lose her. I'm falling apart and the understanding in this world seems to collapse all around me. But I understand that everyone is trying to help me, even Spring and we have settled our differences. Would I be a traitor to accept supports from a sister that has drove my brothers and I crazy in the past? I don't think so. I guess we are starting to mature now. Why can't we be little again and fight one another. It was actually fun to be honest. I guess the only way to preserve that is to relish the memories. Loneliness is starting to sink in.'

Angel made shed a few tears as she read what Shadow wrote in his journal. It really made her feel bad for not doing enough for Shadow when he was younger. She took another deep breath and turned the page.

'Journal entry. May 23th 2020.

It's Saturday night and I'm completely alone in my room. Even though it's family night and everyone wanted to me to watch a movie with them, I just wanted to be left alone. Listening to the 'Crimson Idol' album by W.A.S.P. I guess I feel like Jonathon in the story. He wanted to become a something spectacular but ended up with nothing in the end. Been very withdrawn from everyone now. It's like my social capabilities deteriorated when Shade came into the picture. Everyone is starting to worry about me because I haven't been myself. I was starting to become very social and popular in school. Now I'm lost in my own world and it feels very lonely. I can't talk to anyone like I used to because I feel fear and uncertainty to start a conversation. I'm down to the point where I've grown very dependent on my mother now for just about everything. Try to explain to your friends about how your mother gave you the 'birds and the bees' talk. Gross.

Jumba has an idea to make me feel less depressed. He gave me a shot on my right paw. I'm desperate to do anything to make me feel better. I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time. Truthfully, I feel worse. Maybe I was destined to feel this bad. Why was I put here in the first place? I mean, look at my family. They are all colorful and I'm not. I look scary and I hate it when I see my reflection. I ended up crying yesterday before I slammed my fist into the bathroom mirror. I fixed it but I bled for a little bit but I shouldn't have done that. I hate the way I look. Even if I do change my appearance, I'll still be the same person in the inside. I asked mom where I came from but she keeps saying I came from her belly. I don't believe her. I believe I was honestly adopted from a family that didn't want me because I'm too ugly and dangerous. I can't fit anywhere. (More wrinkles from where Shadow's tears hit)

Why won't anyone tell me the real answer?'

She turned another page, nearly ripping it in the process due to it being very old paper. The next page had dried blood drops on some pages of the journal. The worlds were still able to be read even if there was blood on the fading text.

'Journal Entry. May 25th 2020

My body hurts and my skin is itchy. I'm starting to get scabs under my fur but they are not like any scabs I know of. It feels like scales, such as an alligator or something. It's so weird but not as creepy as my eyes. My tears…They are no longer crystal blue but blood. I went to see Doc Yavin to see what's going on. There wasn't much she could do because the physiology our family was too advanced for the human species. I don't blame them, I mean, the only reason why I'm in human schools and such is because of the government's secret program. It's better than being in Area 51 with that stupid Vic Rattlehead. I honestly believe that skeleton is still out there but I'll never know if I'm on this island. He's not important and I'm glad that the government has decided to help us live instead of using us as experiments. Maybe it's a secret observation program to see how well I'm functioning in a human oriented environment. Don't know, don't care. As long as they leave my family and I alone, I'm cool with that.

So, Doc Yavin couldn't help. Next was Jumba, which left him stumped on why my eyes were starting to bleed. Blood comes out only if I cry now. The fat scientist seemed to be hiding something, but I can't honestly tell if he was genuinely stumped or was lying. Mom's 'lie detector' didn't go off so I guess he's in the clear for now.

In the mean time, I've been trying really hard not to cry but it seems impossible not to. I just keep thinking of sad thoughts. On the bright side, Lilo moved out and is living with Keo. Some farmer from out of town with the same age as Lilo. Stitchie won't admit it but he's hurt. He actually did love her. I really don't believe it would work out between a human and the likes of us. It would be like making out with your dog with a different color. I don't even want to imagine the problems that could start. But at least I have Sparkle. Sparkle Electra Lighting how I love you so.

Journal entry. May 28th 2020

I'm having a tough time right now. I look like a bigger freak than I normally do. My body has eyes all over and I can barely focus on my real eyes. It's giving me a headache. My paws are starting to change as well. They feel different, like something is growing underneath my skin. My tail feels that change too. I hope nothing goes wrong with it. I have an obsession with tails. I never knew why or when I started liking tails. It's been that way all my life. I wonder if Sparkle has caught on? She likes to tickle my nose with her tail. Stitchie makes fun of me about it. He even called me gay that I liked tails on anyone even other males. Its' not like that, I just love tails. Why won't anyone attempt to understand me? Everyone is so cruel to me and life is so mocking. I'm just a monster… (rest of the words are hidden in thick in dried out blood)

Please kill me. I don't want to live anymore. I just want to go away and never be found again. I'm a freak. A good for nothing freak of nature. I (rest of the journal entry becomes unreadable due from rapid movement of the pencil and dry blood)'

Angel couldn't help but cry as she tried to read the rest of the entry but had no luck doing so. She started hearing footsteps coming to her door and quickly hid the book in her dresser next to the bed.

Wiping her tears before the door open, she put up a smile for her blue bugee bu as he complained about losing at the bowling alley.

Even though, having Stitch around made her very happy she couldn't help but want some alone time to read the Shadow's journal. The time to read it again would have to be the next day and that felt far away deep in her heart.


End file.
